The Shackles

Freed from the reel today : My mind.

I'd kept something from a lot of people for a long long time, and it was a really shocking secret. It didn't affect a whole lot of people, but unfortunately, the people it did affect, it hurt a lot. I didn't mean to do what I did, and I feel that I will be paying for the mistakes that I made for quite sometime, but at last, my mind is finally free. I feel like shackles of oppression had finally been cast off myself, though no oppression was involved at all. It's very refreshing, but very painful at the same time. What happened, shouldn't of happened. I shouldn't have lied to my best friend about essentially an imaginary family, getting many feelings stomped on and getting people to reach their emotional highs. We may never be as close again because of it, and I regret every moment of the things that I did. I won't try and make excuses for it.

I should've known that people who weren't involved would be out to get me, to try and get others involved to defame me. What they hope to accomplish by it is beyond me, but they say and do what they do. These people used to be my friends, and while they may not be anymore, I'm not bitter towards them at all. They have experienced their fair share of unfortunate events, and while my words may fall on deaf ears, they are just as supporting as they were had we stayed in contact, wishing them good luck on their various trials, wishing them happy birthday, sending condolences for any loses, the list goes on.

I've been trying to better myself since then. Not to win back what I lost, but because I realized that what I did wasn't who I was before actually losing my mom. I used to be very care free of what I did. If I liked to talk about toys and things that interest me, I could care less who got in my way to tell me that I was wrong or to put me down on whatever level they can muster. I'm trying to go back to being that person I was and always knew myself to be, the caring individual who puts my friends and my family before myself. I may be beaten, tattered and scared, but I'm still alive...

There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle.
Robert Alden

So, what is this post then? A rant to whoever stumbles upon this? A way for me to express myself? It's both of those and more. Writing, whether informative or just for the hell of writing is a way for me to feel better about myself. To calm myself down regarding my feelings. If I'm upset or angry, I'll write. If I'm happy and excited, I'll write. If I'm feeling scared or threatened, I'll write. Surely, you get the idea now, but I want to have a blog as such. It was suggested to me by of the councillors that I speak to once a week. She suggested for me to start a space where I can write about anything. And since I wasn't thrilled with the idea of writing a diary, I chose a blog instead. I am going into my 3rd year of Media Studies program at the University of Guelph Humber majoring in Image Arts. Photography is a huge passion of mine, but as is digital communications. Integrating media into everything I do is something I always do, from posting images and videos as replies to my friends statuses on Facebook or Twitter, to using those same things in intellectual discussions and reports for class. It's an expectation of me these days, and I shall not disappoint.

I’ve loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
Galileo

I just want to be freed from the reel. Being free meaning I can enjoy my life without worry of the endeavours I have to face the next day. Realistically, I don't think I will ever be completely free, but I will continue to free things from the reel, post by post. As things become free, others become new obstacles, new hurdles, new shackles. And like others in the past, they will become freed from the reel.

Images seen in this blog post were taken and edited by me.